fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
