Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize