seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful