my vag is so smooth its legendary
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink