i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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