Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.