he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?