There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..