I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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