I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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