Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
