How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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