It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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