He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
