This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
