Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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