a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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