Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
