You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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