Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Randomize
