Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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