on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
