i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
