Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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