i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
