Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
