i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
