She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
