we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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