dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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