ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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