Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Randomize
