i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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