Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
