After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Randomize
