I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
