I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
worst night to have a conscience
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
