I look better un-naked...
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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