you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
