bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
