It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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