Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
When did angry sex become our thing?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
