Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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