dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
