it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
