She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
