I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
