The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
