Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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