just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
