I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
