Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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