my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
