Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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