I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
