he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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