I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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