i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
In other news, I just burned my penis
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
