Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
At least make sure they are 18
Why
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
