you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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