when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize