I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
