My first STD was from a foam party
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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