Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
