You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
