Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
