have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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