These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
