that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I didn't notice because vodka
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
