two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize