explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
