Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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