Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
