I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
