You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
