sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
