Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
