I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
