the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
