It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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