I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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